The First Step

I'm Rachel, I'm 26, and I'm finally starting to make changes that are long overdue. I'm speaking primarily of my body, and the fact that I've hated it for years now. It's gone beyond mere dissatisfaction with my appearance to active hatred and shame. I won't even allow my husband to be facing toward me when I change anymore, and whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I'm filled with disgust.

That isn't healthy. I'm the one who is responsible for the deterioration of my health, so I am the one who needs to get motivated enough to change. That's part of why I'm making this blog; it is an effort to hold myself accountable.

On October 2nd, for the first time, I visited my school's gym on campus. It is free for students, and was built in 2009. It's beautiful, and still has that "new gym" smell. I went in, changed into the cute new workout clothes I bought, had the attendant show me how to use the elliptical machine, and I used it. That's always been the problem, you see; I've had gym memberships in the past and never even showed up to use it. What a waste of money, mine and other people's!

I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical, and had to badger myself to keep going when it got difficult. "Two more songs, Rachel," I told myself, trying to ignore the burning in my  knees, "anybody could do two more songs." I measured my heart rate on the machine periodically, and it was about 183 each time I checked. That seems pretty high, but I didn't feel like I was in any distress, so I decided that I was doing exactly the right level of cardio. At the end of the 30 minutes, I was so relieved to be able to get off of that machine. "You're an instrument of the devil!" I whispered as I wiped down the handlebars. I sat down and stretched my legs out a bit (and boy, did they feel strange!) and then headed home.

At home, I grabbed the dog and the husband and met up with Sarai. We took her dogs, our dog, and her children for a walk with her, and it was really nice. We went halfway around Fawn Lake. I'm not sure exactly how long that was, but I felt pretty tired when we got back to her house. My glutes are killing me! But that's a good thing, I know.

I intend to update this blog with every trip to the gym, or every time I consider myself to be exercising. For now, that won't be more than a few times a week, probably, as I get used to working out. I've never really done this before, and I have a long way to go.

Here are my stats and goals, which will hopefully become a progress report on each entry:

Current weight: 270 lbs
Long-term weight loss goal: 100 lbs
Short-term weight loss goal: 20 lbs by Christmas
Even shorter-term goal: 5 lbs by October 20th